.Elaine's blog...

I havn't been to my little blog for ages ... been too busy with trying to sell our house ! Anyway - here I am now for a little ramble !!

Poor me syndrome …

This is taken from my last Newsletter in December 2011, where I was commenting on all the disasters – natural and otherwise of last year – and how last year was also just a ‘strange’ year for many people – full of surprises …

"Talking of ups and downs … when things don’t go to plan or life gets frustrating – or just plain go wrong, it is so easy to fall into a slump of self-pity.    But at times like that I’ve found the best trick is to become ‘the observer’ of your thoughts, eg, when you catch yourself thinking ‘oh poor me’ or variations thereof, observe that thought and turn it around – make yourself think instead of all the good things you have in your life and things that you are grateful for.
 In the film ‘The Secret’ one of the presenters had a ‘Gratitude Stone’ in his pocket – and whenever he felt the stone in his pocket, or saw it when he turned his pockets out, he used it as a trigger to remember all the things he was grateful for in his life.  Great idea !
 By focusing on the things that we are grateful for on a regular basis, it is said that we then attract more things to be grateful for.  So – adopting an ‘ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE’ also brings your focus back to the present moment in your life and the more you are able to live in the present moment, the greater you can build on your foundation for a brilliant future.

Of course, terrible things happen – it’s a fact!  But, whether we have an attitude of a ‘glass half full or glass half empty’ is all our choice !
 I actually found myself in a horrid ‘poor me’ head space the other day and then I read my ‘stars’ which reminded me of all the above … I will copy them here because these are indeed words of wisdom …
 “Aquarius … Every moment in life brings a choice. A bad experience is only ever one negative thought away. A state of joy and delight is equally near at all times. It is a bit like walking on a high wire. If you slip, you can fall a long way. But if you just keep putting one happy thought in front of another, you can travel safely to your destination. The question this weekend is not, is your outlook good or bad? The question is simply, what are you going to make of it? No matter what you think or fear, that choice is yours and yours alone.”

Jonathan Cainer

http://www.cainer.com/

Pretty powerful stuff eh?  That certainly jolted me out of it and back into gratitude mode – I have so much to be grateful for … here are just a few examples–
 I am grateful I …

• have had the opportunity to live in this beautiful country (Australia)
•  
• have beautiful, caring friends and family
•  
• have a lovely, safe house and environment to live in (have a roof over my head !)
•  
• have good health and an amazing health care system
•  
• am able to earn money doing what I love (and have wonderful clients)
•  
• have running water, electricity and gas – sounds funny – but so many people don’t in this world !
•  
• am able to give my (rescued) animals a wonderful life

  etc. etc. – so you see, it is easy and the list is never ending once you get going – and it really makes you feel GOOD !!
 Many of the things we should be thankful for often get forgotten because we are so used to them and it is often only when we lose them that we remember how fortunate
we were.
 So - don’t wait until something’s gone before you are grateful – your sight, your health, your family – always remember to take some time to appreciate these wonderful things …
 I remember when I was younger I used to have a ‘thing’ about my nose and used to whinge about it whenever possible until one day one of my friends turned around and said to me ‘you know, you are lucky you have a nose’  -  from that day, I never whinged about it and became grateful for my fully functioning nose!!  Simple, but effective – and I have never forgotten her words!
 Good or Bad ?

So often I hear people getting upset about trivial things and often the old saying comes to mind …’don’t sweat the small stuff .. it’s all small stuff !’  As an example, say you were making plans for a celebratory event and plans were going a bit askew.  Instead of getting all worked up / cranky and ‘poor me’-ish about it, a better course of action would be to realise that we are actually so blessed to be able to have – and be able to afford – such an event and to make the most of what we do have!   To be able to celebrate with friends and family – with no restrictions is a valuable gift!

Just bringing your thinking back to the fact that we are so lucky for what we do have and blessed to be able to do what we are doing, puts you in a much better frame of mind !

Situations are rarely ‘all good’ or ‘all bad.’  These are, to a large extent, labels we put on situations whereas, in reality, it is our response to the situations that determines what kind of experience it is.  Even in the most apparently awful situation, we can derive some benefit if we can adopt the right mindset.
 I think most people would agree that growth and development usually involves some degree of pain, and so challenging situations are opportunities for such growth.
 I remember a few years ago, I had a cancer scare (that turned out to be a false alarm) but I went through a lot to get to that outcome.  At the time, I think only twice did I fall into self pity mode, but decided to use the experience as an opportunity.  
 I wasn’t working for a while, so I had to opportunity to really meditate on the situation I had found myself in and do a lot of ‘soul searching’ that I otherwise probably wouldn’t have done!  I also found that having gone through invasive tests and surgery that I had an opportunity to (partially) understand what cancer patients have to go through (and also how I could maybe help such patients afterwards!) – having that first hand knowledge and experience was invaluable !  I remember being actually surprised that some people felt that I should be angry or upset at the situation I found myself in !
 A Gratitude Journal …
This is something that many people keep and something very tangible that you can do to ensure that gratitude is a conscious and regular part of your day or week. Once you start writing, it becomes clear that we really do have a lot going for us !  So – at the end of the day, why not take ten minutes to list a few of the good things that happened during the day .. or things that gave you an opportunity to grow or to learn !
 … you will end up with a beautiful record of things you are grateful for which it will be very helpful to read in times of stress or unhappiness.
 If you need some proof of this ‘gratitude stuff ‘ – here it is …

The University of Miami* undertook a Research Project on people who practiced some form of conscious gratitude – they found that the people …

• “exercised more regularly, were healthier, slept better and felt more optimistic …
• made more progress towards personal goals
• were more alert, enthusiastic and could handle stress more effectively”
• Of course, some people are naturally more optimistic and positive than others, and it may be that to an extent, our genes determine happiness.  However, even the most pessimistic of souls can develop a more optimistic and happier mindset with gentle and persistent practice !

http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/labs/emmons/PWT/index.cfm

 When I was on a plane earlier in the year, I watched a brilliant show (from the ABC) about the topic of gaining happiness – I was so sad (!) when the plane landed and I hadn’t watched the whole programme – but if you get a chance to see it, I would highly recommend it !   I found a link to the website, which is here …

http://makingaustraliahappy.abc.net.au/theshow.php

 .. and here is a summary of what it is about …

 “Eight volunteers. Three experts. Eight weeks. One vision.

• For the first time ever in Making Australia Happy, the latest and most fascinating research from the science of happiness has been compiled, consolidated and taken for a test drive on the suburban streets of Sydney. Three of Australia’s leading experts have been set the challenge: take eight people from Australia's unhappiest area and give them the tools to become happier”.

• You might also like to follow this link for some helpful tools in the quest for happiness !

http://makingaustraliahappy.abc.net.au/positivepsychology.php

 Well – that’s it for my bit on happiness and gratitude but I will say that – as with all things - success requires persistence.  A little bit of gratitude every day can, over time, make a big difference to our level of happiness and well being why not give it a go
… right now ! J